Ding! That my friend is the sound of your email notification alerting you, it’s time. The time has come for you to feed management with the latest updates on your project. Several colleagues who serve no purpose will definitely be in the meeting, and of course the stakeholders of the project will be there too. You have been preparing for the last week. You know every detail. You are ready!
But how did we get here. The project presentation is just the tip of the iceberg. Well, even though you know how we got here, I am going to break it down anyway.
It all started when the big brains above you decided something had to be done about something and of course, because it’s their idea – it has to be done yesterday. Guess who the lucky person is that gets to bring their dreams into reality… That’s right… It’s YOU! Congratulations! You have become the proud owner of an ugly baby no one wanted.
Now, because you are a dutiful employee with aspirations of advancement you take this on without hesitation. Your mind starts to calculate, scoping, planning, what resources will we need, what talent should be brought in on the project? In the midst of your thought you hear that piercing sound… “So, when do you think it’s gonna to be done?” OR “What’s your timeline on that?”
It’s always the people who contribute about a cunt hair’s worth of thought into the project that constantly ask the timeline question. And they ask it with such vigor. By the way, don’t even think about giving them a realistic estimate. It will be too long. You think the project will take three months? HAHA no, no, peasant! The boss wants it done in one month. You need IT resources? NOPE! Figure it out, you know how to open Excel right? You’re practically an expert in the field of IT then… said no sane person ever. And if all else fails the boss will just bring in a consultant.
Side note about consultants. 90% of them are turds who create more problems than otherwise would have existed. They are overpaid and over listened to by upper management. If you’re a consultant in the 10% – respect. If you’re in the 90%, do us all a favor – take a knee and punch yourself in the face. And for God sake, STFU!
Anyway, now that you’ve had this project on your plate for all of six minutes the nagging Nancys in management want to know when it’s going to be done. They will ask you in every meeting, sometimes multiple times a day because you have multiple meetings with them. And since there is no structure to any of these meetings, they usually devolve into the “latest hot topic of the business”. Soooo, when’s it gonna be done?
I’d love to tell you it gets better as you get a grasp on the project’s scope but, I’d be doing you a disservice. It’s only down hill from here my friend. As you get closer to the imaginary deadline management plucked out of the sky the “When’s it gonna be done” crowd gets louder and more incredulous. I liken them to selfish babies who got forced off mommy’s tit so the other children could feed. So thirsty aren’t they!
Here are a few strategies that effectively neutralize the WIGBD crowd.
- Stick to your timeline based on what you have in your project tracker. If you’re interested in improving your project management skills CLICK HERE. This resource has over 9000 project management and business templates, plans, tools and forms that will help you in your time of need.
- Be transparent with changes to the project and their impact budget and timeline.
- Make pretty graphs and gantt charts to show management you know what the hell you’re doing. Pro Tip: a convincing chart will lead most people to believe you have your shit together even if the project is a complete dumpster fire. Need help making convincing charts? This resource will enhance you Excel wizardry and make your charts thump.
- Lastly, remember to breath. Chances are no one is shooting at you and in most cases these projects are not matters of life or death. A little perspective goes a long way despite what your babbling boss may lead you to believe.
Good luck, warrior. It’s a battle field out there. The good news is, if you’re able to walk and chew bubblegum you’ve already beat 70% of your competition. As always let us know in the comments other ways you handle the WIGBD crowd.
MF signing off
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