Alright my man, so you decided you were just going to grow your beard and let it fly. Maybe you have a natural gift and your beard has come in full and proud. Or maybe mother nature provided a few well-placed patches of beard that grows on your face. In any case, please don’t be the guy who has a baby face, but is determined to turn the three hairs on his chin into a “beard.” Not happenin’!
Back to the beard. At this point you are simply proud that you have a beard or what you may classify as a delicious accessory that houses all your manly attributes. I can tell you right now, if you don’t own a comb, have never put beard oil or balm in and you have never trimmed that bad boy, your beard is anything but Mansome. Here are some tell-tale signs your beard is NOT Mansome.
1 .Steak with a side of MOO-Stach
Eating can be tricky even without a beard. I have seen many people struggle with the art of achieving mouth accuracy. If you’re one of those and you have a beard… I feel for you. But let’s assume all of you are phenomenal at eating and you never dribble a bit. If your accuracy is true but you get a mouth full of mustache every bite, it may be time for some mustache maintenance.
Not only is it tough on your mustache, you constantly chomping on it, but it can be a point of contention for the special lady in your life. Nature decided women are not supposed to grow a furry mane on their top lip (at least not till later in life). So, do them a favor, stop feeding them your top lip fury every time you give her a kiss. All it takes is a few minutes of TLC to cut your mustache hairs back off your lip. It’s a win, win for everyone.
2. Come Fly Away, Come Fly Away with me…
Beards are like athletes. To be a Mansome beard, it needs training. Chances are if you’ve never taken a comb or a brush to your beard, you are probably the Mayor of Fly Away City. Running your fingers through it after a shower is simply not enough. Your beard may look tame when it’s damp. But as soon as that bad boy dries out, poof! All those untrained soldiers are going their own way and your beard looks a hot mess. Spend a bit of money on a comb or a boar bristle beard brush to begin the training regime. Eventually your beard hairs will start to fall in-line, right where you want them.
3. My Friend the Porcupine
Chances are if you’re able to grow a full beard you have a girlfriend(s), fiancé or wife. That goes without saying… beard = swag. Unless, of course, your beard is constantly stabbing your woman in the face. Ever wonder to yourself why after your beard came in, you get no play? Maybe it’s because she dreads the trip to the first aid center after a hot make-out sesh! As you are practicing your best technique you saw in a “movie,” she is in pain. Your beard is on the attack. Without any beard oils or balms your beard will be a Brillo pad and you will continue to be a lonely man with one strong arm.
4. Shape, Shape, Shape Senora
One of the most brilliant things about a beard is you can shape it to accent some of your strongest facial features. An untamed beard will likely splay out and you’ll have “beard wings.” Beard Wings, not to be confused with breaded wings, are anything but Mansome. Take advantage of your facial extension. If you have a square jaw, shape your beard to accent that feature. If your face is round, shape that beard to go with the natural flow of your round face (i.e. maybe a long narrow Gandalf beard is not the best option if you’re a round featured person…). Check out some of our Pinterest boards to get some ideas for yourself.
5. This Ain’t No Pumpkin Patch!
It takes a special someone to pull off a patchy beard. I suppose if your beard only grows in as epic mutton chops or a good goatee, you fall into the category of blessed patches. However, most do not qualify. I know having a beard is pretty awesome, and you want one right now. Women love them and other men stare in awe. But be patient, some of us had to wait well into our 30’s before our beards would grow correct. Patience is a virtue my friend. In the meantime, while your beard is still incubating, perfect the art of shaving. You’ll need those skills when you groom your Mansome beard one day.
6. Leftovers Always Taste Better
So, true! There is nothing tastier than a lasagna or stew that has sat in some Tupperware overnight, letting all the juicy flavor sink into the meat…. Mmm! But let’s be honest, that’s not what I am talking about. If you find yourself digging through your beard after lunch for your afternoon snack, it may be time to invest in a napkin and possibly a mirror. Beard food is not Mansome. Since we did talk about brushes a bit earlier, maybe it’s a great idea to run that brush through your beard after a meal just to make sure your napkin efforts were not in vain.
7. Braided Beard Face
I get it, braided beards can look cool and they usually do when it’s a badass picture of a beard model posing as a beastly Viking. But I have seen few average Joes pull off the bearded braid. For one, a braided beard would be impossible to take serious in a professional setting. So, if you do have a braided beard, you may be unemployed or self-employed. If it’s the latter, good for you! Also, braided beards on non-Viking warriors just screams, “I WANT ATTENTION!!” If that’s what you’re going for you probably achieved your goal. Just remember, not all attention is good attention. As a Mansome Fellow and consummate gentleman your braids are detracting from your efforts.
8. Do you Even Edge, Bro?
Last but not least, I leave you with a slightly more advanced technique, edging. Edging your own beard can be a bit tricky. And I totally understand if you’re a bit nervous that you may destroy your beard. But to get your beard game on point, tightening up those edges is key. I am talking about keeping the line on your cheeks and neck tight. No one wants a hairy mess creeping up to their eyes or a 5 o’clock shadow stealing the show from their magnificent beard. Edging will take you to the next level. By keeping tight lines on your cheeks and under-chin region you are giving your beard the opportunity to show itself off completely. There are tools out there that will make this process EZ-PZ.
In the end, we welcome you to the beard community. As a fellow Mansome Fellow we wish you luck on your journey to beard excellence! It will take some time and patience to get your beard to epic status, but we hope you stick with it!
We’d like to leave you with one golden nugget of advice that has paid dividends in our beard success. Find a good barber. Barbers are like mechanics, accountants and tailors. Once you find a good one, you want to keep them around forever. You can learn a ton of tips and tricks from your barber just by watching them fix up your beard.
~Mansome Fellow signing off