If I told you that 93% of people today despise cubicles; would you believe me? Would you wonder who in the hell makes up the 7% that like cubicles? That 7% probably consists of management and executives.
According to a 2005 US Dept of Labor Bureau of Labor Statistics (I know it’s old, but MF is not a research firm so, there’s that). Americans spend an average of 1,824 hours at work. And that number is growing every year. Let’s put that into perspective. Out of a 24 hour day: 8 hours (on average) you in your cubicle, you sleep or try to sleep another 8 hours, on average our commute to work eats up another hour. That is 17 hours of the day that we dedicate to the man. Lucky for you we have 7 hours left to spend with our family. But we don’t, do we? We go to happy hour, we go play basketball with the boys, get our nails done with the girls or take the kids to soccer practice. So let’s be honest. Out of an entire workday we may get a solid hour or two with our loved ones. But it’s a tired hour, isn’t it?
Now consider the concept of the cubicle. Understanding how much time you actually spend in it, it seems inhumane to put a person in such a place for so long, no? Yet, like the good little corporate busy bodies we are; we decorate our cell, sorry, cube. We try to bring mementos that remind us what is really important to us. We put cute trinkets on the top of the cube and go all out decorating our cell for the Christmas competition.
The cubicle is literally the culmination of what years of a broken school system has indoctrinated us to accept into normalcy. We are conditioned to look at the cube and say, “Yeah, that’s what I expected. This is normal.” But it is NOT normal. Not one bit.
If you still think the cubicle is okay; consider this. A prisoner must follow a routine. But their routine centers around their cell. They start their day in their cell. Then they get let out to eat for a specified amount of time (30 minute lunch). Then back to the cell. One hour of exercise (1 hour meetings) – back to the cell. They get a visitor (adhoc meetings), then back to the cell.
Corporate Cubicle dwellers are no more free than a prisoner. Corporate America fat cats rely heavily on your blind belief that you are free. You are not. What time do you have to be in your cube in the morning? Are you allowed to leave whenever you want? I don’t mean go to the bathroom, I mean leave the office. In some cases you may be able to leave the office, but let it be known the rest of the cube dwellers are watching and asking where you went.
The cubicle also offers zero privacy. Yet another limitation to your freedom. The corporate environment is littered with guards (management/HR) and snitches (other cube dwellers). There is nothing that happens in your cube that is unknown to those around you. Try making a personal call and notice how quiet the office gets. They are listening. If you leave early or don’t get in early enough the snitches begin to talk. That chatter eventually makes it back to your boss; ultimately resulting in your ass getting the dreaded “productivity/reliability” monologue from your boss.
The guards get off on popping into your cube at random. It is almost as if they are trying to see if your working or surfing the web. Yet when you walk into one of the overseers offices they are watching Youtube. Funny what a little power does to someone. “I can watch Youtube, but you can’t because you are lesser than me.”
I am sure if you are reading this you are probably part of the 93%. If by chance you are the 7%; please take a knee and punch yourself in the face. Then leave your name and address so the rest of us can slap you in the face too.
Hey! Thanks for reading. May God be with you as you maneuver to the front of the pack in this wretched rat race. Make it a great day and remember, if you have to take a shit… Do it on company time.
~Mansome Fellow signing off.
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